I keep waking up, either for the loo or Rebekah (think she's teething again) & then I just can't get back to sleep!!!! It's awful! I lie there for about 2hrs just tossing & turning, wishing I could be asleep & thinking about how tired I'll be the next day. My mind goes into overdrive.
I've been worrying about all sorts... Whether I forgot to do anything at work, whether this baby will struggle to breastfeed like Rebekah did, how I'll manage with both kids if it does struggle etc. Oh, and labour & childbirth!!!
I don't know why I'm worrying about those things, especially breastfeeding & the birth. I know things always seem worse at night & I'm not generally a worrier so I can only assume it's the hormones (when in doubt...). For a start, I had a fairly easy labour with Rebekah. It was quick & I managed without any pain relief (I'll have to blog the full story another time) so there's no reason why it'll be worse this time. If anything, it'll probably be quicker! Unless... it was quick last time because I had pre-eclampsia. Maybe this is what I'm worried about. As for breastfeeding, I REALLY, REALLY want to be able do it again!! I know it'll probably be fine, but sometimes it's not possible. My friend Liz recently had a baby who was tongue-tied so couldn't latch onto the breast. She was amazing & gave him expressed breast-milk in a bottle. That just isn't viable with a toddler. Rebekah breastfed for 20months & we had various problems along the way but overall it was a wonderful experience for both of us. She really struggled at first. Maybe because she was prem so her sucking reflex was under-developed but I dread that happening again. I'm scared I won't have the determination to battle through for 6wks again. Ha ha ha... Even as I write that I feel sheer determination bubbling up inside so I think everything will be fine!!! I can be quite stubborn when I want to be!
Well now that I've poured my heart out (and you probably all think I'm crazy) I better go.
Thanks for reading!!! I love getting your comments. It always makes me very excited! I know I'm sad but I do appreciate all of you even if I don't 'know' you.