I'm an Auntie... again

We're all very excited in our house tonight. Tom's sister Esther, (who I've mentioned in a previous post) had a baby boy today!!!! He's a week overdue & I understand it was another long labour but Joshua Daniel finally made his appearance at lunchtime weighing a decent 9lb 1oz!!

It's the first baby boy in the family so very special. Esther already has a daughter, Hannah.

I'm looking forward to meeting him soon. Rebekah & Tom both have colds so we'll have to wait a bit.

On that note... I'm on a double shift tomorrow & both Rebekah & Tom are under the weather. Rebekah's teething & has a cold & Tom has a cold & cough. They're both very similar in that if they do get ill they spike extremely high temperatures so I hope neither of them get any worse & are ok tomorrow without me at home. 

I'm sure they'll be fine!!

 

Still no water...

Well it's been 36hours now & we still have no running water!! I think it's a disgrace, not to mention seriously stressful!!!

I had a terrible morning yesterday! After I blogged I was putting the ironing board away when the iron decided to take a nose-dive off the top shelf of the cupboard under the stairs onto my foot... point down!!!!! It hurt soooo bad. It's ok now, just very bruised & swollen. Poor Rebekah... I couldn't stop crying & I think she was terrified. Once we'd got over that little hurdle I spent most of the rest of the morning on the phone to the water company. The people on the phone are very nice but I'm getting past the point of caring now.  I've told them I'm pregnant & I have a 21month old but still no water. One of my friends emailed me yesterday & told me to speak to my MP (or at least threaten it). Thankfully, one of my dear friends Leanne (who was visiting from Scotland) brought us a couple of bottles of water round.

The crazy thing was, I couldn't leave the house as they promised someone was coming to fix it so we had nothing to drink except full fat milk!!  By the time I got to the hospital for my antenatal appt I was severely dehydrated!! I had 4+ ketones & had to answer all manner of questions about diabetes, headaches, was I feeling well etc. Of course I didn't feel well & I had a headache which I knew was caused by being dehydrated. The midwife mentioned (half joking) about needing to have a drip but I promised I would drink lots, assured her not to worry & promised to check my ketones before I went home (I was about to start work). The problem when you're 'high risk' & have high blood pressure, having a headache twitches my midwives & triggers a whole load of new questions.

Thankfully I have a wonderful & reasonable consultant, who, after asking what was going on, why I was so ketotic, let me I explained the water saga, she left it & moved onto the real reason I was there... My blood pressure, which, by the way, was great!! I was kind of expecting it to be high given the morning I'd had but I prayed & He delivered. She even agreed that as long as I have my bp checked each week, & let them know if it misbehaves (which I trust it won't) I don't have to go back for 3 whole weeks!!!!! I'm so excited. When you've been at the hospital or the midwife 10 times in 6 weeks a 3 week break makes all the difference.  Poor Rebekah... She gets dragged to 'Mummy's work' for all my appointments (which she actually likes because she gets so much attention) and yesterday when I told her I had to go to work she pointed at my tummy & said "baby?".  What a clever girl!!

Anyway, breakfast calls & I'm waiting for the complaints dept. at the water company to call me back so I'll go. I'll update later.

Back to work tomorrow & hospital appointment

I've just put Rebekah to bed & I'm come downstairs an emotional wreck!! I won't see her now 'til Saturday morning & I'm bawling my head off!!! Tom's out helping at the youth club at the church so the blog gets it!! I know I'm probably over-reacting but I'm pregnant so I'm allowed right?

I'm back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks off. I've had 2 weeks holiday, 2 weeks sick & 2 weeks either side of the sick time where my shifts have been at the end of the week so it's amounted to some pretty good quality time with my precious girl.  I think that's why I'm so emotional. I'm going to miss her so much! I know it's only 36hrs but it feels like a life time & I worry what she'll do without her mummy. I'm more upset than when I first went back to work in February!!! I know she'll be fine in reality. After all she's managed the last 8 months while I've been at work. Plus she loves spending time with her Granny.  

Tom's Mum comes & looks after her once a week which is a Godsend. I love the fact that Rebekah is looked after by family & it gives her a special bond with her Granny. I work 2 days a week & the other day Tom looks after her. I just wish I didn't work at all. Bring on the maternity leave (only 4 months away).  I think what also makes it hard is because she has changed so much in the last 6 weeks. She's talking now but any of you who've had toddlers will know that when they first start talking it's usually only Mummy who understands at first so Granny will have an interesting day. I'm sure she'll figure it out ;).

The good news is I went to the hospital today & my blood pressure was pretty good, so everyone's happy. The other good news is I don't have to go back for 2 weeks. After going in weekly for the last few weeks I'm really glad. I still have to have my BP checked next week but I can go to the community midwife for that.  Rebekah will probably miss our weekly trips. She loves it!! Because I work there she gets loads of attention when we're there and they all know her by name now.  The last couple of visits she's cried when it's time to go! I wish I felt like that! Maybe she could go & do my 14hr shift tomorrow!! Hee hee.

Well I better go but I'll let you know how it goes at work tomorrow. There's been a lot of changes while I've been off so I think I'm probably a bit nervous too which doesn't help my emotions. Hey ho. I'm sure it'll be fine. 

Trust

I just wanted to share something quickly before I go to bed...

From Friday evening 'til yesterday afternoon I had a pounding headache. Sounds like a pretty normal thing, I'm sure some of you are thinking. Not in my world when I'm pregnant. I don't usually get headaches anyway & when I get them in pregnancy it usually only means one thing... My blood pressure is up!!

 I couldn't face a trip to the hospital so I drank lots of water (in case it was dehydration) took some paracetamol (Tylenol) and hoped for the best. If it cleared, no trip to the hospital, if not... I'd need to go in to get checked over. I hate going in, I always worry I might be wasting their time & as I work there I know how busy it is. 

Anyway, thankfully it cleared but while I waited for the paracetamol to work I realised I don't actually know what I'd do if my BP had gone up & I needed more medication. I would be so shocked. I realised then, that I am totally relying on having an identical pregnancy to last time. I am trusting  that God will make everything run smoothly now 'til the end, He will look after us like He did with Rebekah. This may sound great but if I am completely honest I'm not sure it is real trust. A total lay myself at the foot of the cross/relinquish all control trust. I just believe it because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about & I'm not sure I can handle it.

This is actually a scary place to be & I would feel a lot safer if I just jumped head first into His hands and fully relied on Him. He is after all the Great Physician. I know all of this in my head but boy is it hard to practice in my heart! I know how he looked after me last time but at the beginning of this pregnancy when I was worried my BP might go up, everyone said "you'll be fine... look what happened last time... you have such a testimony" etc I secretly worried... "what if he doesn't choose to do the same again?" I have learnt through personal experience and reading some of the other blogs that although I serve an AWESOME GOD who has saved me & loves me, that bad things happen!!! He doesn't always do things the way we want. I know He can heal me, I know He has raised the dead to life but I also know He doesn't have to.

 So... where does that leave me? Well... it leaves me no choice but to leap, head-first into His hands and rest in my Fathers arms. Fully rely on Him & spend a lot more time in His presence, His word, relinquish all control to Him & learn to completely trust Him with my life & my health. Then, no matter what happens I will know He will carry me through the easy & hard times.  I will not be alone.

When I shared all this with a wonderful christian colleague of mine (who, by the way, is totally unaware of what a blessing she is to me!!!) she gave me a verse which I will leave you with & totally sums up how I feel/what I need. For, I have no other choice...  

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy & peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit". Romans 15:13

Ramblings about motherhood & Rebekah

As the title suggests, this post is pretty much just going be about  motherhood & Rebekah. If you don't like parents who gush about how wonderful their kids are then this definitely won't be for you! There will probably be a bit of brutal honesty in it too!!

I never realised how much being a mother would change me until I became one. When I got married people told be how marriage identifies how selfish you are but motherhood identifies a whole set of flaws that have been hiding in the back of the closet for goodness knows how long!! Selfishness is not one of them though because I don't think it's possible to be selfish & care for a newborn!! You'd be in big trouble if you tried that!! I have however, learnt what a short temper I have. Whether it's snapping at Tom unnecessarily or over-reacting when looking after Rebekah, it's horrible and I don't like it at all!! I also worry in a way I never did before. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I have worried about Rebekah. Not in an abnormal way ( I wouldn't describe myself as a worrier) but in a protective, maternal way I guess (if you spoke to Tom he might have a different perspective... I think neurotic might spring to mind. Hee hee) I think having been a gynae nurse & now working as a midwife didn't help with the normal pregnancy anxiety. I know far too much about what can go wrong in pregnancy. Gynae gave me a totally unrealistic view on early pregnancy & it's various complications & midwifery... Well lets just say that working in a specialist high-risk unit like I do doesn't help one focus on 'normal' pregnancy.

Unfortunately from 12weeks, 'normal' was not a term used to describe me & overnight I became 'high-risk'. For those of you who don't know me, I developed very high blood pressure (bp) when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Rebekah (and history has repeated itself in this pregnancy). I was started on medication immediately and was very closely monitored. This scared the life out of me. I was terrified I was getting pre-eclampsia & had visions of 'crash sections' (emergency cesarean) at a hideously early gestation.  I had to constantly remind myself to be rational and to trust God.  Many people were praying for me & as I mentioned in an earlier post I was able to come off medication for most of the 2nd half of my pregnancy (which is totally abnormal as in pregnancy, blood pressure usually rises from 20 weeks not falls). This was a total answer to my prayers. I remember when I first became ill one of my friends asked me specifically what she could pray for & I said "please pray that I won't have to take these drugs for the rest of my pregnancy". I hated the idea of my baby being pumped with drugs & I wanted more than anything to come off them. She, herself had also suffered with high bp & pre-eclampsia so could relate to what I was going through. She responded by saying "Eleanor, you do realise that in reality you will have to increase the medication you're on as the pregnancy progresses, not come off?" I knew this but as I said to her "If anyone can do it, God can" and he did!!!

I stayed off medication until approx 33/34 weeks and within 2-3weeks of going back on it I'd had it increased, a second drug added, was admitted to hospital, developed pre-eclampsia & gave birth naturally (drug free I might add!!) to my beautiful precious Rebekah. She was perfect. Even as I write this now I get tearful as I remember it all. Her growth was never affected by my bp or the drugs and aside from the fact she was a nightmare to breastfeed in the beginning you'd never know she was a 36 weeker.

I was in hospital for 11days before and after she was born. It was a long time, I HATED it before she was born!! I was lonely, bored & cried a lot!! But, I must say, now when I think back to the time after she was born I treasure it!! It was such a precious time. At night it was just Rebekah and I and I loved getting to know her and doing everything for her. In the day time Tom would come and together we fell in love with our baby girl. It was hard to not all be together (probably worse for poor Tom who had to leave us every evening) but both Tom and I remember that time very fondly. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone since then & that we're gonna be doing all again in the spring!! YAY!! In spite of the problems I have, I LOVE BEING PREGNANT!!!

Since Rebekah was born our lives have changed dramatically. I'm sure it has been hard at times but I think I look at it with rose-coloured glasses once we come out of each difficult phase... Breastfeeding difficulties, colic, teething etc. But every day I learn something new about her and watching her character develop is amazing. Any 'bad day' we have is nearly always outweighed by how much fun she is. We were very blessed as he was an easy baby who wasn't particularly grumpy & only really cried when something was wrong. But let me tell you when she cried, half the street could hear!!

Yesterday I wrote about how emotional and hormonal I was... All my worries about the day ahead were for nothing (Andrea you were so right!!) and we had a fab day. Rebekah makes me laugh and laugh!! She has a great sense of humour and as she is learning to talk and communicate more we just have a lot of fun.  I find I love her more each day! My mum always says to me "now you have Rebekah you know how much I love you & Miriam (my sister)". Then she always laughs because she says every time she says I have a look on my face that says "you don't love us like I love Rebekah!!" Ha ha ha. It's true and I bet every parent reading this thinks the same. We all think our children are the best and we love them the most & I don't think that's a bad thing. Another thing my Mum used to say was that she was amazed how much you can love your children but how wonderful bed time is!!! How true. Sometimes I am so tired & if Rebekah has had an especially feisty day, I love it when she gets in bed & Tom and I have time alone. Other times however, like last night, I miss her like crazy when she's asleep & I secretly hope she'll wake up so I can have a cuddle with a warm sleepy toddler. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

I better go now before I bore you all to sleep and before my girl wakes up from her nap. It's Friday afternoon so we're off into town to meet Tom from work & have a coffee or dinner together as a family to kick-start our weekend.

Who we are...

It's nap time in our house (which is a wonderful time of the day as all you parents out there will know) so I thought I'd sit down and let you know a bit about us...

We are a Jesus loving, Bible believing, growing family of 3 and a bump.  We live in a pretty run down inner city area in the North of England which is undergoing much needed regeneration. Tom & I met when we both moved here in the summer of 2001 to join Eden which is a urban community based christian youth project. 2 years later we were married and we are still here, part of the community.  Tom is my wonderful husband. He's 26 and works as a radio producer &  presenter for a Christian radio station. I am 30 (just) and am a midwife when I'm not home looking after our daughter. Rebekah is our beautiful daughter. She's 20 months now and what a fun age!!! She's starting to talk and exert her Independence. She is very strong-willed (like both her parents) and a little chatterbox (like her Mummy). Her favourite thing to do is read (like Daddy) and if everyone is busy she will happily read to herself or her teddies. Our latest addition, 'Bump' is currently 13weeks and due to make an appearance on the 5th of May 2009. I love the idea of a 'May baby' but if Rebekah was anything to go by we'll be meeting 'bump'  a bit earlier!

I LOVE being pregnant!!! However, pregnancy does not love me. I have 'high risk' pregnancies due to my blood pressure. In both pregnancies my blood pressure (bp) has gone through the roof at 12weeks. Last time, in spite of this, Rebekah was born safe and well at 36wks. This was against many peoples expectations & I firmly believe this was the power of prayer. In fact I even got a break from the medication for a couple of months in the middle!! This is not normal. Anyway, a week ago I started on the medication after being in & out of the hospital over 3 days.

I don't know what will happen this time around, will I be "lucky" like last time. I sincerely hope & pray I will but at this point I have no other choice but to willingly place my health and my baby in my heavenly Fathers arms and trust Him. 

Some of you reading this, probably think I'm crazy but after following God for so many years I can truthfully say that through the good & the bad & all the highs & lows life has thrown at me I wouldn't be the person I am if I had not completely placed my life in His hands. It's sometimes scary, don't get me wrong, but it's certainly the safest place to be, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be!!